Goddess

Until this moment, I have always judged Arthurian legends for being a tad bit basic on their divine involvement. Like, Greek? Crazy shit happening literally all over the place. Women are being raped by swans who are actually horny gods with boundary issues. People are being born out of other people’s heads. There are psychotic monsters just rampaging on different islands hoarding all kinds of treasure. But Arthur was apparently just a stand up guy who saw a hot chick in a lake. She was *kind of* divine, maybe. Not to much detail. A lady. A lake. A sword. A quest. Basic.

Truth be told, I haven’t swam in a lake since I was about 13 and got burned so badly I was couch ridden for three days while I peeled.

But last week, she took me to the lake. She put our stuff on a table swarmed with (what I later learned) were mayflies and held my hand down to the beach. I am not about this nature life. I struggle. There are bugs and sun and the water is clean but its still lake water and there are definitely living things in there. Living things that are peeing in there. Living things with teeth. But for her. I’ll do it for her.

And while crossing my arms and slowly, so, so slowly, wading into the water, I understood the Arthurian Legend.

She was a goddess. A woman in her power, life dripping from her, streaming around her, revealing, reveling, hugging her, holding her – I have seen the divine. Floaiting in the water she communes with the spirits and taps into her own depth. Arising from it, her body shouts of the life she has brought into this world, all she has given for that life, all she has enjoyed, and all she has endured. She is not hiding in the water, it screams her truth.

A truth so full of raw beauty that the world, my world, is bent in her reflection.

And for a moment, I can see clearly. I can put down the lense that I learned my whole life and see.

Is this what we look like? Goddesses. Beautiful and soft and strong and fucking radiant. That’s what I’ve been trying to fix this whole time? Trying to change my body to fit into something… smaller? Tighter?

…why?

Why on earth would I want to change that? Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Without flaw. Divine. A gift to the world. An avatar of mother nature herself. The personification of grace. Lines that flow endlessly and circle around and wrap around you, an invitation to bliss.

The kool-aid became dust in my mouth and in that moment, I loved the body I had. I realized that I too am a goddess. And I want to lie down and float in that knowledge until I too am one with the earth and all her gifts.

If she had walked out of that lake with a sword I’d have moved heaven and earth to make a utopia on earth to keep her safe as well. Then again, the sword isn’t that useful in this day and age. And she needs to be safe. We all do. All the avatars of mother earth are crying out for justice. Perhaps I did get my holy quest that day. A goddess smiled at me and changed me from the inside out. A goddess took my hand and showed me the truth about myself and the world around me.

There is nothing basic about that. Just a woman in charge, quietly changing the world.

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